Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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