I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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