don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
