if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
