I wish i was in the wii world.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
