I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
