somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
