where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
why does every cop we meet know your name?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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