drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
