Don't make out with my wife yet
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
