Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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