i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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