Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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