i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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