Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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