I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
