it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
