i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
