I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
