Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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