I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
