That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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