he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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