...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
