just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
