Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
