Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
