he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
