I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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