think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
