went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
