ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
