I'm really into asian looking animals
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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