Where did you get a picture of my penis
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
