She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
