i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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