Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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