All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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