idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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