i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
