SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
