his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
