I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
