The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
