I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Randomize
