a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
