ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
splinters make it hard to masturbate
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize