I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
