I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
