He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
