I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
