Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
