Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize